Rather Annoyed…

I am rather annoyed with myself. Yesterday I met up in Liverpool with a friend and we went shopping and just wandered around town. Jane is Chinese and has a beautiful slim body, she gets away with trying on clothes in size Small and looks amazing in them. She is also very pretty and always has a smile. Another attribute she possesses is this amazing energy to shop for hours prancing around trying on armfuls of clothes. I sat outside the cubicle as she swished curtain after curtain back to reveal perfectly fitted clothes. I sat at one shop trying to avoid the mirror (as I usually do quite well). I sat in this one shop and gave myself a good look. Sitting opposite myself I looked huge, old, grey haired and tired. I am grey haired and have been since I was in my 20s (I am 43 now) and I love my grey hair I will never dye it (well never say never). In one of the shops Jane threw a dress at me, ‘try it on’, she demanded. I put it back on the rail protesting I look like a bag of potatoes in anything tight. Jane’s response, ‘why do you have no self confidence’. Well a. I have absolutely no confidence because I don’t feel as if I deserve any, and b. anybody would look like a sack of potatoes compared to you, Jane.

I am annoyed with myself for thinking this way but looking in the mirror I did look huge way beyond my weight but I was wearing huge shapeless clothes. 1 huge fleece + 1 big knitted cardigan + 1 t-shirt = a much bigger ME than I actually am. At least I was warm. As a consequence I have decided that I will no longer buy clothes that are too big for me to hide in and I am going to rid myself of all those huge un-flattering ‘mens’ t-shirts that I have now. My fabulous tie-dye Grateful Dead shirt I bought at the Smithsonian shop last May will go to my brother but the rest are going to be sleepwear until they fall apart. I have bought my last huge t-shirt.

Another annoyance this weekend is the fact my scales are not working. I charged batteries and put them in this morning but the scales still said ‘Lo’ when I switched it on. I need non-scale victories to help me this week. I will have been without a scale for two weeks as I am not going to bother weighing in again this week. I keep swinging between two camps: Scale vs Non Scale. I feel so liberated that I am not relying on the scales but then I feel a little anxious that I am not able to immediately record progress or lack of.

I managed to get a visit to the gym in this afternoon and fat burned for an hour then did a weights session burning 420 calories in 1 hour 30 minutes. I am thinking about balancing my fat burning with cardio the week after next. This week I want to concentrate on fat burning for an hour a day. I just feel like I need to get a kick-start.

My cycling jersey is due tomorrow I had an email off the guy to say it had been despatched. My other workout clothes have been delivered to my parents house so I need to collect them.

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