Feeling very low…

I sit here writing in my blog for the first time in around 10 months when I should be applying for a fantastic job. I have been feeling very low and alone since October 1st. I had to make the excruciating decision to have my little dog put to sleep.  He was my companion of 10 years. He has been suffering what the vet had told me was either a spine trauma or a tumor. He had two weeks of steroids and tramadol until the tumour took over and he became very ill. He went peacefully at the emergency vets. I know he was a dog and only animal people could understand the overwhelming sence of loss I feel. I know it will take time.

Since Bill’s death I have managed to eat myself to a size bigger in clothes and my wardrobe is now totally out of reach. I hate my job and I feel very fat and bloody pathetic. I have not even glanced at the gym and the self-pity is killing me. I hate myself so totally. I understand why I am being like this and I have decided to make a fresh start. I am applying for a new job one I am qualified to do and one I love – researcher. I have signed up at the gym to do a 10 week boot camp from January. Its going to be two one hour sessions per week of intense fat burning exercise and nutritional information. I know if I do it I will be inspired to continue.

 I only have two pairs of trousers that I can wear as nothing else fits me. My wardrobe is full of pretty tops and lovely expensive pairs of trousers all of them out of my reach. To boost my energy and help my confidence I am having a few sessions of reiki therapy off a friend and looking to a brighter dawn. When I have managed to get down a few pounds I plan on swimming in the morning before work. I live next to the gym so its like having a pool in the grounds of my house. I still cycle to work but we have moved buildings and I will be getting the train much to my dismay.

 Watch this space……


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